Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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