Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
