she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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