i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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