after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
