Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
