Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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