I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
