you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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