I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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