Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
