is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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