we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize