The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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