my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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