I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
