I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
