I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize