i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
and she was petting her beer can
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
