I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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