I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
