I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
