census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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