Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My dick has a subreddit
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
