Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
