you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
