you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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