Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
