Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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