Don't EVER smell your tampon
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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