Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
