i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
