remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
