Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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