i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
