Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
