Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
