Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
