just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
