garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
