Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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