I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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