You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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