I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
