Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
