Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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