It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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