fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
