I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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