I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
