I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So apparently I’m into choking now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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