Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
How's work?
Spinning.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
