im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
