Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
