i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
