Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize