does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How naked do you want me to be?
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