Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Please don't give away my fajitas
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize