just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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