I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
