i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
