Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
