VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
