Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
