Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
